How Do I Know What My Child Is Good At? What Are Their Gifts?

I love this question because I believe it gets to the heart of what education is really for, but before I answer it, I think we need to challenge some of the messages our culture has given us about giftedness.

What Does It Mean to Be Gifted?

When I attended public elementary school in the 1980s, we had what was called the Gifted Program. Students took an IQ test, and those who scored above a certain number were pulled out of class for special projects and enrichment opportunities. The message—whether anyone intended it or not—was that some children were gifted, while everyone else simply wasn't.

And today, there are extremes on the other side of the scale. For example, when every child receives a medal at the sports tournament, there is hesitation to recognize exceptional achievement because we didn't want anyone to feel left out.

As a school administrator and teacher, I often hear, "My child is gifted. How will you meet their need for higher academic achievement?" At the same time, I meet loving parents who unknowingly place limits on their children by saying things like, "We're just not math people in our family." "Art isn't really our thing." "Our family isn't athletic."

Children hear these stories, and in a short time, sometimes instantaneously, they begin believing them. I've had the privilege of teaching homeschoolers, public school students, and private school students in California, Georgia, and Florida. I've taught children who struggled with reading and children who were reading chapter books by the end of kindergarten. I've taught students who found traditional academics difficult but had keen skills in other areas. After all these years, I can say this with complete confidence: Every child has multiple gifts.

Every child has unique strengths, interests, capacities, and ways they can contribute to the world. The question isn't whether your child is gifted. The question is whether we're creating the conditions where those gifts can emerge.

We Don't Know What the Future Holds

One of the greatest mistakes we can make is assuming we know what our children's future should look like. As parents, we naturally want our children to have meaningful work and enough income to support themselves. Those are good desires, but fear can quietly narrow our imagination. We begin thinking there are only a handful of suitable careers—doctor, lawyer, engineer, teacher, police officer, nurse.

The reality is that there are thousands of meaningful and supportive career paths today, and by the time our children are adults, there will be countless more. AI is transforming the workplace. Jobs are changing faster than ever before. Many careers our children will one day pursue haven't even been invented yet.

Who is your child becoming? When we focus on uncovering our children's gifts and helping them develop qualities like curiosity, resilience, creativity, compassion, perseverance, and wisdom, we prepare them for a future we can't yet imagine.

My Own Journey

If someone had asked eighteen-year-old me what my career would look like, I never would have guessed where it would lead. I graduated from an engineering school and began as an engineer at Walt Disney World. Later I left to become a business consultant because I wanted greater flexibility as a mother. I soon became an entrepreneur. Then I discovered Waldorf education. I homeschooled my own children for ten years. I founded the Waldorf Homeschool Conference, became a Waldorf teacher, founded seven Waldorf-inspired homeschool enrichment programs, one of which serves students online in over 40 states and 20 countries. I developed curriculum, began speaking at conferences and leading festivals.  I would never have imagined this career path for myself, and, although very supportive, my parents could not have imagined it either.

Today I spend much of my time as a school administrator for Lotus & Ivy and still get to teach from time to time. I write, mentor parents, and host a podcast. I am still an entrepreneur, and I love telling stories at our festival gatherings. 

And my career path is still unfolding. I would not assume my children's path—or yours—will be any different?

So How Do We Help Our Children Discover Their Gifts?

I don't think there's a personality test or aptitude assessment that can answer this question. Discovering a child's gifts is much like tending a garden. We don't force flowers to bloom. We create the conditions where they can. Here are the practices that I believe make the greatest difference.

1. Believe Your Child Has Multiple Gifts

Everything begins here. Step one isn't to identify your child's gifts. Step one is to believe they are there. And not one gift, but many!

Children often surprise us when we give them space to discover and cultivate ideas. The child who struggles to read may become an extraordinary entrepreneur. The child who constantly builds forts may become an architect. The child who loves caring for animals may someday be a beloved veterinarian. If we assume there is more inside our children than we can currently see, we'll continue looking. Our openness gives them permission to keep exploring.

2. Open Yourself to Every Possibility

Children often borrow our imagination before they develop their own. If we have already decided our family isn’t good at math or music, or if we have defined what success looks like, they'll adopt our beliefs.  And the first rule of parenting is that we do not have it all figured out and are learning as we go!

If we have quietly dismissed certain careers, interests, or ways of living, they'll often do the same. Our openness becomes their openness. The more possibilities we can imagine for them, the more possibilities they'll begin imagining for themselves.

3. Protect the Time Childhood Requires

One of the greatest obstacles to discovering gifts isn't a lack of opportunity. It's having too many!

So many children move from one scheduled activity to the next with barely enough time to breathe. We pack their schedules because we're afraid they'll fall behind or because everyone else's children seem busy.

Gifts emerge during the unscheduled moments. In a recent podcast of Wonderfully Human, we talk about the need for children to have time to digest their experiences.  If we run from one thing to the next with no time to process each experience, it will not take root. Curiosity will not form. Give children the time they need to play and ponder and breathe after the exposure to the meaningful experiences they have. 

4. Make Exploration Just as Important as Academics

Reading, writing, and mathematics matter deeply. These must be at the core of every education, school, or curriculum. The learning of these subjects must be through opportunities to explore the world with their heads, hearts, and hands if children are going to develop their capacities for curiosity and find their highest gifts.

One of the things I've always loved about the Waldorf curriculum is that it invites children into so many different aspects of life. In third grade, children study how human beings live on the earth. They build shelters, both as miniature models and life-sized. They learn measurement by creating real projects. They grow gardens, cook meals, make clothing, explore farming, and even build clocks.

These experiences do much more than teach practical skills. They learn confidence and problem solving, and they relate to the world in a meaningful way, as opposed to through a dry textbook that misses the beauty of lived experiences. 

Then fourth grade opens new doors through local geography, mapmaking, state history, and animal studies. Every block introduces another possibility, another interest, more curiosity, more meaningful exploration. All calling forth the child’s innate gifts. 

5. Fill Childhood with Rich Experiences

Exposing children to new ideas and possibilities is something homeschoolers really have the advantage in. Field trips are an important part of the homeschool curriculum. 

Visiting museums, going camping, exploring national parks, walking through nature preserves, visiting farms, attending plays, touring universities, aquariums, art museums. Travel whenever you can.

One of my children's favorite adventures was visiting a serpentarium. It wasn't something I imagined becoming a highlight of our homeschool years, but it sparked endless curiosity and conversations. 

The goal is to expose our children to the richness of the world. Every experience becomes another doorway they may choose to walk through someday. And at the very least, it makes learning fun.

6. Become a Student of Your Child

Observe. Listen. Be present. Have conversations. Pay attention to what captures your child's attention without anyone assigning it. What do they choose during free time? What gives them energy? What challenges do they enjoy? What problems do they naturally solve? What do other people consistently notice about them?

Patterns begin to emerge over months and years. Be careful not to make your list too short. If I were to start a list of my own children’s gifts, this would be the starting place: woodworking, painting, leadership, charisma, courage, mathematics, writing, public speaking, the physics of roller coasters, baking, developing allergy-friendly recipes, rowing, swimming, ultimate frisbee, empathy, ceramics, creativity, friendliness, an incredible work ethic, a smile that lights up the room….

Your child's list will probably be much longer than you expect.

The goal isn't to help our children choose a career path. It is to create the conditions where they can discover who they already have the potential to be. When we give them the opportunity to become more fully themselves, it makes for a fulfilling life journey.